okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
