Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
