Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
