I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
