Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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