i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize