i think my tv is drunk
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
