It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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