And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
