so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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