just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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