Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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