I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
