Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
