Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
