Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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