i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
