Swine flu. Run for my life!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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