Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
