Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize