LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
