The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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