you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think your dad took our porno
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize