She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
