We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
