My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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