Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
