3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
