Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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