What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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