sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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