I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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