How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
