i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
