I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
