I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
