I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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