we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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