With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
