morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it because I queefed?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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