his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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