Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
50% drunk capacity currently
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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