would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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