Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize