Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The ass gains better be worth it
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