We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
