Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
