There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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