My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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