i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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