Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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