I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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