Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
