drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
