I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
