I heard we made out
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize