So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
