seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
