I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
