I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
