If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
