My friends, they love my intelligence
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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