I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
