I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize