The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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