NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
