so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
