My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
