'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
