It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
