Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
