So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
