Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
