Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
