She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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